I Feel A Blog Comin’ On

It has been a long time since I wrote one of these. Over 6 months. It has been so long in fact that I forgot not only what topics I had covered but I forgot what the name of this blog was.

I am gonna go into this return engagement very slowly. Don’t want to jump into a big engagement before mysteriously calling off the tour just weeks after the 2nd album drops

Annies Down?

(Apparently not)

So I will just run through my musical tastes the past few months. I purchased 5 cds thus far this year. (First time I have even done one since about 2007)

Those 5 being:

 

The one shown above. Annie Up by The Pistol Annies (who apparently have not broken up). In comparison to their first CD from 2011, I am not as happy with it. It has very strong points such as “Don’t Talk About Him, Tina”, which I believe to be the top song of the bunch and I Feel A Sin Comin’ On (BLOG TITLE INSPIRATION~!), but I am let down by the single choice they made and fearing that it would be the last one (because you know, near break up). Hush Hush was a weak song in my opinion and didn’t fit for a March release because it was based around Christmas. The video turned it around for me, so I have warmed up on it spectacularly. Ashley Monroe’s verse is angelic. Most inspired weed reference in Country Music I had heard since….

 

“Weed Instead of Roses” on Like a Rose by Ashley Monroe. Like A Rose was the first of the 5  CD’s I purchased, the one that ended the 5+ year drought of me not purchasing music and I don’t think I could have made a better choice. I am not gonna say that this release “saved” country music, but I will say it damn sure is some of the best straight country music I have heard in a LONG time and will likely be getting a spinoff blog.

The oldest CD I bought was Part II by Brad Paisley, 12 years post release (took weeks for me to track down/acquire). Brad is probably my favorite male artist in the genre and I was sad I hadn’t heard this album and even sadder I didn’t own a version of
“I’m Gonna Miss Her”

 

Brad Paisley’s WheelHouse (Deluxe Edition because I wanted MORE SONGS~!) is next (in order of purchase it came 2nd behind Ashley Monroe and just ahead of Part II and Annie Up, which arrived simultaneously). I enjoy it tremendously and it too will get a spinoff but there were a few songs here that I didn’t care for, specifically the duet with LL Cool J. With near 20 songs, a few misses are allowable I guess.

FIFTH ONE AND MOST RECENT

Same Trailer, Different Park  by Kacey Musgraves (I guess commas don’t look good on covers). Also, spinoff coming. But to keep this from basically being a tease for future blogs, let me just say I find her absolutely delightful. Closer in age to me than Miranda and Ashley Monroe (a week older rather than 5 years and 2 years respectively), so I find what she is saying more relatable (this sounds stupid, I know this). Her voice is angelic. She has written every song on the album plus one for Miranda Lambert – “Mama’s Broken Heart” .

Danger in Frustration

A few days ago one of Jeremy's Tumblr Friends, Kristyn (Kristin-The-Cowardly-Dog.tumblr.com) proclaimed her belief that Miranda Lambert wrote Desperation about her current husband Blake Shelton "and that leads to thoughts and images of poor, heartbroken, desperate little Miranda Lambert who was hopelessly in love with a married man who she could never have." As a huge fan of this song myself (the name of my tumblr blog is taken from a line in this song) I agreed to this at  first but I think after some listening to the song, I believe I have figured out another angle.

Now, to be fair, I am not sure what Miranda wrote the song about, so this may be a possibility but from my own experience, I believe the song comes from a point of someone who feels lost. Lost in lost love. Lost in life. And they continually turn back to longing for the love of someone they can't have.

 

I believe the main drive of the song comes from the point of view where Miranda is longing for someone (we will say it is Blake Shelton for this exercise) but she cannot be with who she truly wants, so she will try and turn to someone else. Anyone else, even settle for less than she deserves. Or even worse, nobody's feelings for her match the ones she has for them. But she cannot seem to shake her feelings for Blake. Because she is still so desperate to be with the one that she wants she is doing herself emotional harm over him. It is especially clear in the 2nd verse of the song that she has given up on trying to move on and is stuck on the pain that "Blake" has stuck her with. He has clearly ruined her. Shaken her confidence and shut her down.

“Complicated words slipping off of your tongue but ain’t one of them the truth”
The scariest part of the song and I guess I am saying this as someone who is guilty of it myself in a way, is a desperation to be with or even near someone who has hurt them. That is where the danger lies in frustration. You can’t harm yourself over someone else who harms you. You miss out on life and the other person likely is moving on. Holding out hope is fine, but now when you are stupid enough to believe that you don’t need to move past that.

10 Song - Stream of Consciousness

Dallas by Alan Jackson

I don’t often remember the details of my dreams, but for some reason, I remember at one point last night, I began to sing “Dallas” by Alan Jackson. My first memories of hearing that song was sitting in the Taco Bell parking lot when I was 4 (thus 1992). It is my favorite Alan Jackson song, (in an unrelated story, that was my favorite Taco Bell). I don’t know why this popped up. I guess it is a symbol that I am getting more comfortable with myself. Other people were in the dream, coworkers, other people, for some reason Alan Thicke. I don’t get that. He didn’t die, so that ends the continuous streak of Alan Thicke dying in my dreams. I have no problem with Alan Thicke, he just keeps dying.

Crazy Ex Girlfriend by Miranda Lambert

I wish I were more interesting, I wish I had a crazy ex-girlfriend (or a current one, crazy or not, that would be nice, but that is for another time). All my stories are about me being crazy and obsessive. If you don’t believe me, sit down with me and after a certain amount of time I will divulge too much about someone who I perceive to have done me wrong. The story changes repeatedly though, so take notes, try and find consistency.

Saved by Big and Rich

I used to be a HUGE Big and Rich fan. Their first, second and third album were on repeat for me for the longest time. But in 2007, they went on a sabbatical and when they returned 5 years later, I cared a lot less. I am just not as interested in their latest musical endeavors. This song, off their first album, I find to be a strong one. They clicked as a unit for those releases. The latest one, which I have only read reviews of, seems to be them trying to recreate the attitude of their first cd. I do not understand why Bon Jovi is as involved as it seems they are.

Give It Away by George Strait
George Strait has a unique swagger when he sings. This song is about giving away everything that reminds you of someone. A few months ago I watched Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind. In that movie, Jim Carrey went through brain cleansing to wash his mind of everything that reminded him of Kate Winslet (I think) because it was driving him nuts. The crew in the movie, had to gather up all physical things as well as doing the deep psychological cleansing. Sometimes I have thought that I could use that type of deal. The physical objects are limited and I could get rid of those myself, but I think I may need them. They are hidden away enough to where I can avoid them for the most part so that really isn’t a problem (or I have convinced myself of that), it’s the psychological I will need work on.

Little Miss Honky Tonk by Brooks and Dunn

I want a cowgirl. Someone who listens to country music, shoots guns, drinks beer, whiskey, etc. Perhaps rides horses. I am mostly describing Miranda Lambert here. I am not picky but I think it would be cool to have someone like that. I don’t shoot guns, don’t drink much anymore and don’t find horses interesting. So it is a lot of the opposites attract theory I guess. I have an interesting theory as to why that works so well.

Take It Out On Me by Miranda Lambert

I feel bad when I take my sometimes bad attitudes out on people. I don’t mean to. I feel really bad when I end up tearing someone a “new one” (meaning asshole) for something that happened long ago. Especially when I don’t do it to their face and resort to doing it over The Twitter © and to the face of people who rightfully respect them. I just feel hurt sometimes, but over time that should have gone away. I guess my immature actions proved things right in the long run. I still think I am justified in some ways though, I just need to find a way to be a bigger person (not THE bigger person, because clearly I am not that, as much as I would like to be)

Tiny Dancer by Tim McGraw

I had a blog written about the Tim McGraw and The Dancehall Doctors album a few weeks ago, I never posted it, I don’t even think I finished writing it to be honest. This song was on that. I always associate that album with rain, I don’t know why. It was my favorite Tim McGraw release. I am not a huge fan of his but I really liked most of the songs on that one. I have heard this version of the song more than Elton John’s version. I think it could be good for a choreographed dance scene. Those aren’t thoughts I have often. I am not sure if it is about a child, drugs (it was the 70s) or what. Tony Danza perhaps (Friends used that joke, I am not above ripping that off). But I guess we all have a “Tiny Dancer” that sticks with us in our heads, whether we want to or not. This song is really long.

Carried Away by George Strait

It sucks to get carried away by someone. Not physically (well I imagine being abducted sucks, not my point right now), but mentally. Every time you see someone, your mind races and emotions rush to the forefront. I guess it is a key thing to the human condition. More honesty. I have had it happen numerous times. Where you don’t think, you just say or do. Its fun in the moment sometimes but looking back you feel stupid. This would be a good name for a Carrie Underwood tribute band.

Better As A Memory by Kenny Chesney

The last few weeks a lot of my good friends/coworkers have left. It sucked because I knew ahead of time they were going and I was going to miss them. But I wasn’t super close to them. It got me thinking that when I leave, when I make a major life move which I have yet to do voluntarily, I don’t think they will care, it won’t be a big deal to them. It could be my low self esteem though. I don’t think any of them have anything positive to say about me. In my opinion, the only thing they may know about me is the fact that I get far too obsessed with something/someone and can’t keep my mouth shut when I should. I don’t like the way I am possibly perceived by them but accept the blame because this is the way I painted myself. It shouldn’t bother me as much as it does but I make too much of things I guess

I’m In by Keith Urban

Far too often on this 10 song adventure these “love songs” have come up. I like this one but the stream of consciousness exercise does lead to a problem. I don’t know the “love” feeling too well. Because, I am 0-however many with this. I did this exercise to get my mind off this crap and it keeps bringing me back around. So as I am typing, I am trying to drown out the song because I plan to go to bed after this and I do not really want to have this song stuck in my head because I fear it will drown out any positive movement I have had in the past few hours. I suspect it is all superficial anyway and I am trying to convince myself that I am past things. I am a surprisingly quick thinker and can fool myself pretty easily. Problem is, other people can fool me quicker.

 

In conclusion – 776 songs that could have been used, I really don’t like the selection that came up here.

The House That Built Me

 

Here is a fun fact: I was not a big fan of this song for the longest time. I can’t really put my finger on why. Something turned me around a few months ago. Oddly enough it was not a Miranda performance of said song that did it. It was Selena “Wizard” Gomez that spun me around. I heard she did a performance of the song, gave it a listen, then went back to Miranda’s version to compare. As I expected, I preferred the Miranda version and put it on heavy rotation (for lack of a better term). I became such a fan of the song, I used it as the basis for the title of this very blog.

“I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine
Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard”

It may be the very last line in that first verse that caused me to think not very much of the song. Those type of things bother me. But I understand why the line is there. It emphasizes the importance of the house. A key line I believe is the “these handprints on the front steps are mine”. It indicates that she has left as much of a permanent impact on the house that it has on her.

“I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me.”

She is searching for something to fill a void, so she returns to what had made her strong. It is her safety. The house had been her foundation. I can relate to that type of thinking. Whenever I am feeling down, I return to the things that define me and made me who I am today. As life gets longer and harder, the things that made you who you are up to that point are kind of the cushions for life’s tough falls. It provides a solid reassurance and reignites the spark to continue on.

“Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream”

This is the verse that specifically turned it around for me. I can’t think of any deep meaning or analogy to go along with it. I just find the lyrics painting a wonderful picture.

A lot of times I find myself overwhelmed with life’s struggles, big or little, you can usually see this in my face. Recently I have turned and returned to the “House” that built me, not the actual physical house that I grew up in, but the things that have kept me sane and in a comfortable place. That is why this blog was made. That is why I am also writing a TNA Wrestling blog. That is why I am currently lining things up for what could be another enormous writing project. These things are what comfort me. These are serving as therapy. And even when recently things haven’t been going the way I liked, I am finding ways to take my mind off of those things, by “walking through the house”. It is giving me a chance to express myself when I feel I can’t do it any other way. These things are filling the brokenness that has been created in myself, by myself, other people, just the general flow of life. I understand the message of this song. When I first heard it, I assumed it was a simple one level song. “I grew up here, isn’t this nice”, but it’s the heartbroken sound in the lyrics and her voice that makes me relate to this.

Miranda: Love Is Looking For You

 

My obsession with Miranda Lambert is kind of… an obsession.

How obsession is this obsession? If my headphones are in, there is at least a 75 percent chance I am listening to a song of hers, or her singing a song of someone else’s.

How obsession is my obsession? If it were not for the Miranda Lambert tag on Tumblr (@JeremyTheMVP for those interested), I would likely never use my account. Same for Instagram (same username).

How obsession is my obsession? In moments of stress, I find myself singing “The Truth”. Which I am aware is not her song. BUT if you go back up two paragraphs, I mentioned “her singing a song of someone else’s”, I sing it with her version in mind.

My obsession is so obsession that I based the name of this blog “The Music That Built Me” off of one of her songs “The House That Built Me”. The blog was never intended to be a shrine to the lovely Miss Lambert*. I have an idea for how to do that that I hope to get around to soon. But I also have strict (SELF IMPOSED by the way) deadlines to fill with this thing. I do not want to go too long without a blog, so in times of transition between topics, I figured out that I can return to the person who is kind of responsible for me doing this.

Miranda stated a few years ago that “Love is Looking For You” is one of her favorite songs that she has written. Now, my favorite Miranda song changes daily. There will be songs I listen to over and over based solely on lyrics that pop into my head in relation to that song. Her proclamation of her love for this song, got me to listen to it more than I would before. And I found a deep relation in what she sings.

I may be misinterpreting what she speaks of here but I get the feeling that she is trying to say that absolute most important thing is to look at your self in the mirror and love yourself for you who are. That is something I need to do. Its not a “love the way god made you” physical type deal. No, my problem is more a moral issue. I need to be able to look at myself and realize that the decisions that I am happy with are the ones that I made on my own. And due to my frequent questioning of my actions (sometimes deservedly), I am unable to do that as easily as others would. I have no idea when I started to get this way, I have no idea who or what caused such gross insecurity. Sometimes I would and have tried to contort myself to fit in with another person for my own comfort but I always have found it easier to point out my own inadequacies. Revealing myself completely, so everyone knows exactly what is up with me. This has, in many ways, caused me to feel weaker because I am hiding very little if anything at all.

In the past few months, at least and I am using Miranda’s words here, I have been looking to put out a flame. Something that burns at me but I don’t know how because I do not know where to find this “flame”. How do you remedy what you don’t know is wrong? The longer this burning sensation goes on, the worse it gets. I need to find a way to get “over” someone who I was never “under” (Sup to Ross and Rachel for supplying me with that analogy way back in the 90s). I had no idea how to do this. My most logical answer in getting over this problem is to dive headfirst into something else. Head out into a rainstorm but the rain isn’t coming hard enough to put that fire out. So now I am burning and wet. I need to find a good medium. A transition of sorts.

The problem with this transition that I am looking for is mentioned by Miranda a little later into the song. “Maybe you’ve been swearing that forever might have already run out”. I have proclaimed several times that it may be too late for me to actually achieve anything. Based solely on the comparisons of other people I see. Now in the past few months, the hundreds of people I have turned to (much less of an exaggeration than you might think) have told me that it isn’t easy and they have gone through the same thing.

“You can’t love yourself, at the expense of someone else”. I can’t do this based on comparisons. Either good or bad. Every case is different. That is what this song has instilled in me. The unique optimism that maybe certain things have happened and will happen for a reason. I need to take my own time with all of this. Maybe the answer will come to me and I don’t need to worry about taking to many steps in its direction, it will find me.